Monday, February 16, 2009

HINDSIGHT: Don't Spoil Your Child

I have created a list of DO's and a list of DON'Ts that I think are essential, especially for those of us raising autistic angels. Hate to admit it, but a good portion on each list is hindsight.

Right now, one of the big issues we're dealing with at home, with our soon-to-be 7 year old son, is "unspoiling" him. Sigh. Blush.

I don't know if its because he's autistic, or just his nature, but my son is the most persistent, hard-headed, determined child I've ever seen. Seriously.

I'm sure all kids can be this way, although I have talked to parents who's kids just don't have that kind of personality, some kids are more laid-back and passive. Hmph. Imagine that. (Imagine that is all I can do, lol.) Not something I've experienced with my own sweet little boy.

And I know that all kids throw tantrums. I do, I get that.

But...and this is just my own personal observation, I also believe that alot of kids on the autism spectrum have a harder time controlling their emotions. I don't believe my son yet understands what he's feeling, how to identify it, much-less what to do with it.

Therefore, sad to admit it was so much easier to finally give in to his demands. When it wasn't something dangerous or hazardous to him or us, of course. By doing this, giving in, I've taught him that if he just persists long enough, tantrums hard enough, eventually he'll outlast Mommy and get what he wants.

So, guess what he does now? Of course! Persists, tantrums, and escalates because he doesn't understand WHY its not working for him anymore. He doesn't understand why Mommy and Daddy will NOT give in and will stick to our matter how furious he becomes. So life is rocky right now. And probably will be for awhile. Until he learns that "No" really does mean no.

My biggest regret is that when we make these mistakes, our kids suffer for it. Then again, I have to remind myself that I'm only human, and doing the very best I can. Sometimes, we have to just shake things off and go on. Forgive ourselves our mistakes, allow ourselves to be human, and ask God to help us use a bit more wisdom next time.



kat said...

I have spoiled my kids in ways to and saying no is hard..I am seeing some of the results of not being more firm with my kids..but there is always time to turn things around.
Love ya

VoicingAutism said...

Thanks sis. I know I better stop it NOT before he gets any older...

Helpful info about Autism from the National Autism Society