Never Stop Believing!

I think if there was one point I could really stress to get across to people, families, parents, anyone going through hard times and challenges, it would be to never stop believing.

When I think back to the first few months, days even, when the doctors and professionals started using the word "autism" in the same sentence with my 2 yr old's name, I'm amazed I even got through it. My heart was devestated.

And maybe its not like that for everybody. Maybe because he was/is my only child, and I remember thinking, "I don't even have experience raising a typical child, muchless handling the supposed challenges of autism!

But...that was 5 years ago. And I did get through it. And my heart didn't break. At least, no more than any parent's heart gets broken in a manner of speaking, at times.

Some things have gotten better, easier. Some things, I suppose, that most people would consider ourtrageous have perhaps become the norm to us. And that's ok too.

But all in all, the good times have far outweighed the bad, not that its been easy because honestly my son has been the biggest challenged I've ever faced in my life. And I've faced...many.

But we've come through many battles, with still many more to face, undoubtedly, and I'm so thankful the Lord has always given me the strength to take it one day at a time...one challenge at a time.

And there is something in me, something so strong that finds the will to go on, regardless how tough things get at times. I have found the determination in my heart and soul that I will continue to take one step at a time, even when it feels like I'm falling flat on my face.

No matter how difficult the storms might get, I hope and pray that you will allow the Lord to be your strength, your comfort, your guide. Because He is a friend who will never leave you nor your precious child, and if you let Him He will refresh your soul when you feel you just can't go on.

Whatever you do, don't settle. Raise the bar. Strive for more. Believe with all your heart, even when things seem too hard. But don't ever stop believing. In God, in yourself, or in your child.

esther

What Kind of Angel?

Sometimes, our prayers are answered in mysterious ways...and often in a totally different way than I would have expected. But they are heard...and answered. My heart is overflowing with thanks, first of all for my awesome, loving Heavenly Father who I know has heard my every cry to Him these past few weeks. And God chose to answer my cries by sending us an angel! No, not in the form of a "heavenly" creature, floating around on beautiful gossimer wings. No, He sent us an angel, in the form of a school teacher. A very special, loving lady who came into our lives this past September when our son began his journey into a public school. As we shared with her the behavioral issues we're having at home with our son, she set up an amazing program wherein we will be working together as a team, to try to instill the same routines and consequences both at school and at home. I don't take for granted how blessed this family is, to have our son in the loving, capable care of a teacher, and her aid, who go far Above and Beyond the call of duty. Sometimes, God sends us gifts, but we fail to acknowledge when its His doing. God does intervene on our behalf. Half the battle is believing.The other half is receiving. esther

What IS Faith?

This has become one of my favorite verses in The Bible...so simple yet so powerful!

So many times when I've gone through some really trying situations, I know the Lord brings this precious verse to my mind...to remind me to have faith even when things don't look so great to me.

Afterall, the verse says..."Now faith is the substance of things HOPED FOR..." the evidence of things NOT SEEN..."

If we see something positive, or good happening, we wouldn't need the faith. But its when we need to believe in something positive...something improving...something better happening..that we need our faith.

You know, if I were to continue to look at my circumstances as they are right now...my son's challenges in this autism epidemic, I don't think I could face another day.

Most of the time I don't come in here and just lay it all on the line...really share how tough things are with him, because what I don't ever want to do is to exploit my child...or to overstep the bounds regarding his privacy.

Yet what I do want to do is to encourage so many others who are going through similiar...or possibly worse...situations and challenges.

I don't have all the answers.

Sometimes its all I can do to get through one day at a time.

We have good days, and not-so-good ones.

Months can go by when all evidence would seem to point to my son becoming almost "typical".

Then the bottom drops out...and we're blindsided.

This is when my faith has to take over. This is when I really understand what this verse is saying. Because I begin to look at the things..."not seen"....such as healing, a peaceful life for my son, reaching goals, winning over autism...and I ask the Lord to teach me how to increase my faith...so that I won't give up.

Faith is so important. The Bible even says that without faith, it is impossible to please Him.

Hebrews 11 is a wonderful chapter to read to start increasing your own faith.

Faith is a wonderful, powerful gift to have. Its amazing how my spirit, attitude, and thoughts become transformed and lifted, when I allow God to speak to me through His Word...and to increase my faith.

I hope and pray your faith will be increased today. May you realize the peace, power and hope that will flood your heart and soul, when you look to the Lord...the Creator of faith itself.

esther

I'm Not Giving Up!

I haven't posted in here in afew days because I simply could not.


Talk about the calm before the storm. Unbelievable.

In one of my posts I talked about the difference in "behavioral issues" and genuine "melt-downs" as it pertains to at least my little boy and his autistic challenges.

Saturday, for the first time in a very long time, we definitely had a genuine "melt-down".

The doctors often refer to these particular rages as "night-terrors", probably due to the fact that Julian used to go into rages upon waking from a deep-sleep nap.

But its been afew years actually, since these have happened.

For those of you who don't struggle with these, you're blessed, and be very thankful.

For those of you who do...God bless you. Because I know personally what its like.

Saturday I felt so helpless. Perhaps you can't imagine what its like to have to try to restrain your little boy because he's so out-of-control, its like he's in another world and isn't quite aware of what he's doing. And pretty much anything you try to do to calm him, just escalates the rage.

Sometimes, all you can do is get him to a safe place....away from furniture, breakables, anything he could grab and throw or break, and try to stay calm yourself.

Good Lord, is that hard to do, stay calm when the child of your womb is thrashing and lashing out in a maniacal rage, and your heart (and mind) are racing with all sorts of "what-ifs" and "how comes" and "why, Lord, why?" Yes, for me at least, because its so near and dear to my heart, its a huge challenge to not break down and cry.

Which I did, Saturday.

I think the hardest thing was that because we hadn't seen these "rages" in such a long time, I let my guard down and believed we had somehow, miraculously overcome those, so when it happened out of the blue, I couldn't believe it.

Eventually he did calm down, and I had my big crying gig, and my son was back to normal (whatever that is), and life went on.

I believe it was caused by a change in his meds. We won't go into that right now, but obviously the Abilify (medication) was working to stop those rages.

Sometimes at night, when he's sleeping...his beautiful face a picture of a cherub, we look at him and think its so hard to imagine this is the same little boy who was in horrific throes of violence and rage earlier. How COULD this be the same little boy? What goes on in that little mind, to cause such outburts? And what can I do to make it all better?!

You know what came to my mind, was a verse in Isaiah, that said...."He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief....for He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities....for the chastisement of our peace was upon Him....and by His stripes we are healed." That is not exactly verbatim, but the words that came to be yesterday.

And I thought, yes, Jesus suffered terrible grief...and rejection...and sorrow.

Who could possibly better understand than Him?

And I just sat there, tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't even say anything. I just told Him, "Lord, I don't even know what to say right now...what to pray...." as I just moaned and wept.

And I knew....felt...sensed...His presence. Knew that He cared that I was hurting....that He felt my sorrow...my fear...my concern for my precious child.

And that was enough.

Without words, He did what no-one was able to do for me.

He comforted me.

esther

Well, it Worked!

You'd probably understand what I'm talking about if you'd read yesterday's post, 'Another Hindsight Moment.' Basically I'd gotten sooo tired of my 7 yr old little boy constantly fighting me when he's not getting his way. Defying us is one thing, but the WAY he was doing it is what drove us nuts. The spitting at us, hitting us, throwing things, and so on.

Anyway, after trying the Time-Out chair, in which he just continued to the above-mentioned, I told him IF he spit at me one more time...I was taking away his radio...for the night. The whole night. (I've taken it from him before but he ALWAYS got it back before bedtime.)

Not this time.

When he spat at me again, I did indeed take the radio.

After he calmed down, he proceeded to try every means possible to cajole me into giving him back the radio.

But, I held my ground and he went off to bed...no radio in tow.

This morning he was like a different child. No kidding.

No fighting, no spitting, no "bad words", no throwing, he actually came out quietly this morning, looked at me with a sweet smile, and said..."Today radio?" "Yes, today radio", I said.

And...miracle of miracles, when he came home from school today, he actually had a good attitude.

So far, so good.

Oh I'm not naive enough to think he's going to be a little angel-boy from now on, lol.

But I do think we're on to something here. (Finally)!

The moral of this story is, that sometimes it takes awhile to find out what works with your kids.

Sometimes you can take all the advice in the world from well-meaning people, but always remember that YOU know your child better than anyone else does. You know what makes him tick, even though you might now always understand him/her.

It does pay to be persistent.

Sometimes, its hard to tell if a particular discipline is really working or not. Especially with autistic children. Because my son has a hard time communicating with us, I do believe it sometimes escalates his behaviors. I know it must be frustrating for him, too.

BUT I also know he's got to learn that you cannot just lash out at people because they don't always give you what you want.

As much as it hurt me to keep that radio from him the entire night (he listens to the static, for white noise), I knew it was a crucial time in teaching him that I do mean what I say.

So for those of you maybe going through something similiar, just hang in there and keep trying to figure out how to get through to your child(ren). You never know when a break-through is just around the corner.

esther

Another Hind-Sight Moment

If it seems I've got more "hind-sights" than "in-sights", its probably because I do, lol.

For what its worth, I learned a very valuable lesson tonight.

We've been dealing with some pretty undesirable behaviors with our 7 yr old lately. (If you consider 5 yrs, lately...sigh). And its not like we just let it go, believe me we've taken courses on parenting strategies, talked to behavior specialists, doctors, watch 'Super Nanny', etc. etc.

For us, not much seemed to be working. Maybe because he's 7 now, its time to change our strategy.

Which I did, tonight.

I'm fed up with the spitting, hitting, tantruming, and throwing. My son has an outrageous temper.

For so long, it was easier to just give in, and like magic, the tanrums stopped.

Except, it wasn't magic. It was free-will. His, not mine.

So tonight, instead of just THREATENING to take away his radio until tomorrow, I stuck to my guns. Even after the tantruming stopped, he came to me and asked for the radio back, and I explained to him that no, that wasn't the deal. The deal was, the NEXT time he spit at me, the radio would be gone until tomorrow.

I gotta say, this boy is one persistent little guy. He begged, pleaded, cried, screamed, cuddled up to me, and tried basically everything he could think of...and why? Because it always worked before.

Not this time. I realized that if I gave in this time, he'd never take me seriously. I think I probably realized that a long time ago, it just took me this long to find the courage and strength to withstand his emotional cajoling. Because he's good, he's really good. He knows how to get to Mommy, in fact he's learned that I love him dearly and it's hard for me NOT to give in to him, especially when he's being all sweetsy.

You know what? Eventually he DID give up...and went on to bed...with no radio. (He listens to "white noise", not music).

Anyway, for what its worth, maybe it'll be of some help to someone out there who's going through if not the same thing, something similiar.

You see, in our case, his "melt-downs" aren't melt-downs at all. Honestly, I've seen some autistic kids who genuinely melt down because they can't handle new circumstances or transitioning, or sometimes even certain sounds, or other things that actually cause an uncontrollable response in them.

But that's not the case with my son. Autistic? Mildly. Spoiled? Severely.

esther

PINK FLOYD: YouTube Videos

Ok, if you read my complete profile then you know that one of my "indulgences" in life is that I am a huge fan of Pink Floyd. David Gilmour, to be exact, lol.Soooo....I've added some (awesome) live performances of his from YouTube, down at the bottom of my page.I also have some Christian music video's, as well.I just wanted to let you know, because I suppose there are some people who prefer strictly Praise and Worship music. Personally, I get alot of relaxation from listening to my mellow Pink Floyd music, too.Peace out
esther

Praying for one another

Myspace Glitter Graphics

I think its important that we remember to stand together and uplift one another in prayer. Sometimes I think we forget how much power there really is, when we come boldly before the throne of God, as He encourages us to do in His Word.

I know there are so many people hurting, people going through difficult times, times of loss and grief, times of financial struggles, times of divorce and broken-ness.

And I for one definitely understand the special challenges and circumstances in raising an autistic child.

I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like, if I didn't know the privilege of going to God with all my concerns, my fears, my mistakes, and my hopes and dreams.

As powerful as prayer is, God's Word says that it is even moreso, when we come together...two or three...gathered in His name. There is He in the midst.

There is no greater blessing than that.

esther

"So Jesus had compassion"

"So Jesus stood still and called them, and said, 'What do you want Me to do for you?'


They said to Him, 'Lord, that our eyes may be opened.' So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes. And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him." Matt 20:32,33


One of the many traits I so love about Jesus, was His compassion.

Throughout the New Testament we read where Jesus..."moved with compassion....".


He was the Son of God, and could perform miracles at will.


Yet He didn't use His miraculous powers for show, or to draw attention to Himself.

Jesus performed miracles because of His compassion. He cared when people were hurting, suffering, whether it was physical, emotional, or mental suffering.


How compassionate are we? As Christians, we are to follow in His footsteps and strive to become more Christlike in our attitudes towards others.


Sometimes, I think people are hateful or hard to get along with, because they're hurting.


Jesus loved those who were hard to love.


I know, because He loved me. He still does.


And He loves you, too.


He has compassion for you, for your family, for your child(ren), and whatever your circumstance may be.


If ever you feel alone, or forsaken, or like nobody understands what you're going through, open your Bible and let God remind you that Jesus is full of compassion...and He does care about what you're feeling, and what you're going through.


Take comfort in knowing that the very God of this universe...feels compassion for you.


esther

HINDSIGHT: Don't Spoil Your Child

I have created a list of DO's and a list of DON'Ts that I think are essential, especially for those of us raising autistic angels. Hate to admit it, but a good portion on each list is hindsight.


Right now, one of the big issues we're dealing with at home, with our soon-to-be 7 year old son, is "unspoiling" him. Sigh. Blush.


I don't know if its because he's autistic, or just his nature, but my son is the most persistent, hard-headed, determined child I've ever seen. Seriously.

I'm sure all kids can be this way, although I have talked to parents who's kids just don't have that kind of personality, some kids are more laid-back and passive. Hmph. Imagine that. (Imagine that is all I can do, lol.) Not something I've experienced with my own sweet little boy.

And I know that all kids throw tantrums. I do, I get that.

But...and this is just my own personal observation, I also believe that alot of kids on the autism spectrum have a harder time controlling their emotions. I don't believe my son yet understands what he's feeling, how to identify it, much-less what to do with it.

Therefore, sad to admit it was so much easier to finally give in to his demands. When it wasn't something dangerous or hazardous to him or us, of course. By doing this, giving in, I've taught him that if he just persists long enough, tantrums hard enough, eventually he'll outlast Mommy and get what he wants.

So, guess what he does now? Of course! Persists, tantrums, and escalates because he doesn't understand WHY its not working for him anymore. He doesn't understand why Mommy and Daddy will NOT give in and will stick to our guns...no matter how furious he becomes. So life is rocky right now. And probably will be for awhile. Until he learns that "No" really does mean no.

My biggest regret is that when we make these mistakes, our kids suffer for it. Then again, I have to remind myself that I'm only human, and doing the very best I can. Sometimes, we have to just shake things off and go on. Forgive ourselves our mistakes, allow ourselves to be human, and ask God to help us use a bit more wisdom next time.

esther

Yesterday, I shared my sadness...but when I started to praise God...

You might have read yesterday's post, about my heart being so of pain and sadness. And I had a hard time shaking that spirit of heaviness off.

Well later in the day I ran to the grocery store for some things, and on the way home, as I was driving and listening to some awesome praise n worship music, I listened to the lyrics in the song, which said..."Praise the Lord, He can work through those who praise Him, praise the Lord, for our God inhabits praise, for the chains that seem to bind us, serve only to remind us that they drop powerless behind us when we praise Him!"

And it hit me!

So I started calling out to Him...thanking Him for all the good things in my life, recalling the many blessings He bestows on us day after day, remembering all the answered prayers, and the way He's surrounded us with friends and prayers and encouragement.

And before I knew it, my spirit lifted and the blues were gone. My heart was literally over-flowing with joy and peace...and gratitude.

I know this, because I've done it so many times. I know that when our hearts are down, if we start to praise Him, to lift up His name, to recount all our blessings and victories, His spirit comes to us and surrounds us, and fills us.

But sometimes, its not easy to do because our "feelings" or emotions are tempted to pull us down, and keep us down.

But I'm so thankful the Lord has given us a way to overcome our trials, a way to change our attitudes and to refocus our minds and hearts on Him, and off our circumstances.

esther

Has your heart ever hurt so much....

Build your own Blingee

Has your heart ever hurt so much that its like an actual physical pain?

That's how mine feels at the moment.

I guess sometimes its hard to stay focused on the positive, when the storms are raging.

It seems like we go through these "phases" with Julian. Like he'll do okay for awhile, then the bottom falls out and his behavior goes through the roof. And its not for like a day or two, its more like a week or two.

And to be honest, its hard for me to keep it together through this. I'm a very emotional person, but I've learned alot about controlling my emotions.

Its just, when the "storms" go on and on and don't let up, my nerves become just raw and squeezed and I feel like I could just lay down and cry forever.

So I think I need to go spend some time in God's Word, and in His presence.

I've learned from past experiences like this, that the only one who can really help me, who can renew my hope and regenerate my strength, is Jesus.

But I also know its not just going to "happen". I know I need to go to a private, quiet place and just lay it all down at His feet. I know I'll be safe and quiet and find peace there.

I do sometimes wonder if there's anyone else in the world out there who's going through this? Or am I really as alone in this as I often feel?...

esther

April is Autism Awareness Month

Add Glitter to your Photos

Pat Yourself on the Back!

Not only do I give a pat on the back to ALL parents, because to be honest I never knew how challenging it would be to parent a child. Any child All children.


But to those of you out there who are raising special-needs children, as I am, I'll tell you what, if you don't give yourselves a great big pat on the back now and then, I sure will!

I try to keep myself built-up, and by that I just mean that I know I make enough mistakes, (I see them mirrored back at me every day through my little boy), and sometimes its hard to feel that I'm making a whole lot of progress.

There's so much we need to teach our child(ren). Sometimes, it seems we're so busy "putting out fires" here that we don't get around to much "teaching". We have a long way to go, to be honest.

See for me, the thing about autistic kids, at least for my little boy, is that he doesn't just naturally learn the typical, day-to-day things that kids would normally just do. We're still working on getting him to brush his teeth, and dressing himself, and potty-training through the night.

We're still teaching him to play with toys properly, and that not ALL objects are toys.

We're still trying to get through to him that we don't scream, spit, throw, and break things when we're mad or upset.

The spitting is a tough one. I'm not even going to get into that one right now.

So every now and then, I have to just stop...and remind myself of all the time, effort, patience, hard work, and love we've put into this.

And instead of being so hard on myself, and harboring feelings of guilt or shame for all the things I haven't even gotten around to teaching my son yet, I have to pull back a bit and just love myself. By that I mean, give myself a break.

I've become quite good at keeping myself pumped up. Mostly, I know to turn to the Bible when I'm feeling especially down-hearted because I can't seem to make much progress in what I know is my job as Julian's mom.

Nevertheless, we get up every day and start anew. Put one foot in front of the other, press forward, and try to keep a healthy, positive attitude.

And pray. Lots of praying and asking God to give us the patience and perserverence we're going to need every day.

So for those of you who sometimes feel its one step up, two steps back, just know that you're not alone. Know that there are thousands of us out there all struggling with unbelievable challenges that no-one could have been prepared for.

Keep on keeping on.

Don't ever give up.

And pat yourself on the back.

You deserve it.

esther

To Julian

Autism's child, in a place all his own I know life seems different, his journies unknown. Autism's child sometimes may not speak, but has words of his own, his language unique. Autism's child complex, so rare. Too soon he must learn that life isn't fair. Autism's child my own to embrace, at times from a distance, yet now face to face. Autism's child you walk not alone, though you wrestle with life in places unknown. Sometimes so intense, then its back to your shell... What is it you hide from? If you could, would you tell? Autism's child, I will never let go. Though what we might face, only Heaven can know. Esther D. Irizarry

Quotations in Facing Fear(s)

"To get the best of your fear you must take your eyes off it long enough to realize that you were taller than it from the beginning." Anonymous

"Only your mind can produce fear." A Course In Miracles Course on Forgiveness Based on Christianity, Eastern Philosophy


"Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop." Usman B. Asif

"Fear only two: God, and the man who has no fear of God."


"He who is afraid of a thing gives it power over him." Moorish Proverbs


"There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear." George S. Patton


"Do what you fear and fear disappears." David J. Schwartz American Trainer, Author of ''The Magic of Thinking Big''


"We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them." Titus Livy B.C 59-17 AD, Roman Historian

"If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been." Robert H. Schuller

"For it is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death and hardship." Epictetus 50-120, Stoic Philosopher

"Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world." Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882, American Poet, Essayist

"Feel the fear and do it anyway." Susan Jeffers American Author, Speaker


"Only he who can say, ''The Lord is my strength,'' can say, ''Of whom shall I be afraid?'' Alexander Maclaren 1826-1910, British Preacher

The Fruit of Joy!

I've found that life is an awesome gift, yes, but it can also be full of challenges and many times, unexpected twists and turns. I think we all have good days and, well, perhaps not-so-good days. At least this is true for me.

Its easy to be happy when things are going well in our lives. And there's just something about being around a cheerful, happy person that tends to lift our spirits and maybe even change our attitudes a bit. But when things are not going so great, when we're having some serious struggles in our life, I think the hardest thing to do is to keep from being down in the dumps and getting blue.

I've learned that God's Word talks alot about joy. That's because it really is God's desire that His children "walk in joy", even in the midst of stress and turmoil.For me, its a hard thing to do sometimes.

Honestly, the only thing that really helps bring me back up from the pit of despair and depression, is getting back in God's Word, believing what He said about our joy being found in Him, and making the decision to NOT let my circumstances get the best of my and determine what my attitude will be like today.

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. That means that when we accepted Christ as our Savior, the seed of joy was actually implanted into our hearts. Now its up to us to water, feed and nurture that seed. Its not going to simply grow and mature on its own. It takes prayer, faith, and time in God's Word and presence to replace all our old, negative thinking with new, joyful thoughts.

It takes practice, especially for those of us who are used to just rolling around in our self-pity and thoughts of fear or dread.But in time, you can learn to recognize when your heart and mind are full of sadness and negative thoughts or attitudes, and with God's help and alot of determination, you can learn to walk in joy. I'm still learning.

esther

You are precious in God's sight!

Did you know, that no matter where you've been, what you've done, whatever your past or present situation in life, our God loves you? Its true. He loves you just as He loves each and every one of us, so much in fact that He sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for your sins.

Sometimes, I think life can be so confusing, perhaps we make unwise choices in our lives and get kind of lost along the way.

That happened to me, for many years.

I accepted Christ as my personal Savior when I was 16 years old.

But then some years later, I felt the Christian life was too hard to try to live, and I made the decision to try to give it a go on my own, without the Lord in my daily life.

That was so many years ago.

I faced so many heartaches, so many shattered relationships, so many broken dreams, abuse, and disillusionment.

One of the best decisions I ever made in my life was the day I came back to the Lord. That day, when I cried out to Him in desperation and total despair, and He forgave me and welcomed me back with open arms.

How like Him! How like our Jesus to forgive and comfort and offer love and nurturing....healing.

I don't know how I'd get through a single day without knowing He is with me, that He is always ready for me to call out to Him for help and love and...direction.

In March I will turn 50 years old.

Its hard to believe my life has flown by so quickly!

But this one thing I know, that throughout my life, He has never forsaken me, never turned me away, never betrayed me, and true to His Word, He has loved me unconditionally.

I hope and pray you know this love. I hope and pray you have Him in your life, and that you know you can find hope and peace when you turn your life and your precious family over to Him.

Because no-one will ever love you, your family, your child(ren) like He does. No-one.

esther

Learning from my little man

For the many, many things I know I have yet to teach my little boy, it occurs to me that I may very well be learning just as much from him, as he is from me.

Maybe that sounds odd, afterall he is just a child and certainly it's not his responsibility to teach me anything.


But I think for those of us who keep our hearts, minds and souls open, there is much to be learned. Especially from children.

As I've watched my Julian struggle for years now for every word he speaks, I'm reminded that the things we take for granted, such as speaking, perhaps we ought not take for granted afterall.


And as I see him struggle at times in playing with children his own age, I'm reminded that not everyone feels comfortable with other people, and perhaps I could make more of an effort to reach out to someone who may seem unfriendly, but might in reality be terribly shy.


And when my son has been especially naughty, and I'm having a hard time understanding his behavior, I'm reminded of the unconditional love my Heavenly Father has for His children, myself included. And I'm so thankful because its in those horrific moments that I realize that sometimes I've done or said things that I'm sure my Heavenly Father wasn't always pleased with, yet He forgave me and never, ever stopped loving me.

I think I've really come to realize the unconditional, never-ending love He has for His children, as I've experienced this with my own precious son through the years.


Sometimes, I think my son gives me way more than I could ever give him.


esther

Whatever You're Struggling with...

When I started this blog, my intent was to reach out to so many other families who are going through challenges that are sometimes hard to understand, to those who don't deal with autism on a daily basis, in their home, in their families. And I still hope to do that.

My heart's cry is to point all God's children to the cross, because I know in my heart of hearts that every single answer to every single dilemma we will face in this life, lies in God's Word. I know that as sure as I know that God loves me, loves you, and loves every one of us equally.

But I've come to realize that you know what? Every one of us faces one kind of challenge or another. Life isn't always easy, and it certainly isn't often fair. Right now, my biggest challenge just happens to be in dealing with many different aspects of my son's autistic disorder. That's my challenge. What's yours?

Jesus said in John 16:33 ..."These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." I find it so encouraging to know that Jesus Himself, the very Son of God, warns us because He knew that we will all have our own tribulations to face, but that we would be able to "overcome", through Him.

I hope that you find some comfort in His Word today. I hope you realize how much He loves you, your child(ren). I hope and pray that you turn it all over to Him, and allow Him to help you through whatever challenges you might be facing. He is my greatest friend, my greatest companion, my greatest comfort.

esther

Know what? We've come a long way!

No matter what happens from one day to the next, my heart always ends up filled with gratitude to God for all that He's brought us through...together.

Honestly? I can't and won't ever say the journey's been easy. But then, what journey is?
But when I look back to when my little boy was just 2 years old, when we first received the official diagnosis of autism, there were so many more every-day things that we couldn't get him to do.

Like having his hair washed, and he couldn't stand to have his hair cut. I remember I used to have to wait until he was taking a bath, then lather up the shampoo, and when he was busy playing, I'd take the little scissors and cut here and there, quick, before he'd notice.
Wow. Now he loves to go to the barber's, I mean loves it!

There was a time when I couldn't ever take him anywhere new, at all. Daycare, church, any new store, he'd cry and then start screaming and become hysterical.
Now he loves to go just about anywhere. At the very most, he's a little bit nervous to go to new places, but adjusts fairly quickly.

Potty-training took a little over a year, he'd scream and cry when we'd try to get him to even sit on the potty. Now its like old hat to him.

And I remember when he first started talking, I mean really talking.
He was 4 years old, and his school *Eastgate, was so excited because it was like something had just opened up within him, and he hasnt' stopped since! That was one of the happiest days of my life.

Now he's reading, and counting, and singing, and doing so many things that I wasn't sure whether or not he'd ever do.

See? God does hear our prayers.

He may not always answer them in the way or timing we'd like, but He does hear us.

My son is living proof.

Don't ever give up.

esther

OK, Had a Melt-down

Not my son, me!

I think it started when Julian decided it was time to get up, at 2:oo in the morning. So of course I got up with him. Unfortunately, I started nodding back off at 2:30, when I thought he was doing the same on the living room couch.

Wrong!I awoke afew minutes later to one Julian standing over me with a book he was showing me, that he'd taken out of my bedroom. Panic. This meant that he'd been IN my bedroom, which couldn't be good. Oops...I'd forgotten to relock my door.

Race to my room...and straight into the sight of what could surely only have been caused by a major hurrican. I mean, books, sewing-kit supplies, hair jewelry, clothing, shoes, nik naks, and other various "things" I'd had stashed under my bed, in my closet, anywhere I could find to keep hidden from my curious little George.

Everything was strewn wildly all around my room, and man I lost it and shut my door after screaming, then proceeded to finish the job off myself. More stuff strewn around my room.

Oh goodie. Now I'll have something to do for the next 4-5 hours, in lieu of sleep.Roger came out and handled Julian, who was crying and screaming and tantruming because I wouldn't let him have ANYTHING he'd taken without permission from my room. So he's spitting, hitting, banging his head in his time-out spot, throwing, etc. etc.

Eventually everyone calms down, and he's off to bed, and Roger too.Not me, no siree buddy.No, emotional Mommy can't sleep because she's so upset and befuddled to sleep, so I stay up until after Julian gets off to school at 8: oo this morning.Well he comes home from school, and starts it all over again.

Oh joy. Thrills. More fun. I love being a mom.Or not.Today? Not so much.Tomorrow may look brighter.Peace out.

esther

Five Key Steps to Overcoming our Fears!

I think one of the biggest issues I've had to deal with most of my adult life, is fear. We all have our own private fears, some are real and perhaps some are imagined.

For me, I think the greatest fear has been concern for my little boy. I mean, if you read enough about autism, there are so many possibilities and the "umbrella" that ranges from mild to severe.

There was a time when I would watch Julian for any kind of sign that might indicate how mild or severe his autism would be. Its a hard way to live, let me tell you.

But you know what? In the end, I had to come to terms with the fact that being afraid to face whatever might come is no way to live.It's taken me years to learn to turn my fears over to the only one who can help me control my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, that is God Himself.

Here are some steps I've taken to overcome my own fears. I hope you'll find them helpful, whatever you may face in your own life.

1. Ask the Lord to show you any area(s) in your life where you might be experiencing fear. He loves us so much, it would never be His will for us to stumble around blindly, full of fearful thoughts and feelings of dread.

2. Sometimes it takes time (and practice) to release long-lived habits. So turn your fears over to God, and if you need to do it again and again, that's ok. Our God is patient and long-suffering, just as we are with our own children.

3. Read and study God's Word, especially what He has to say about fear. Memorize these awesome verses until your mind and heart are flooded with His powerful words of overcoming your fears.

4. Realize that there is actually a 'spirit of fear', and it isn't from God. The Bible plainly states that ...."God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, and peace, and a sound mind." Ask Him to rebuke any spirit of fear that may be tormenting you.

5. Speak God's Word into your life, into your fears. There is so much power in not just reading and quoting His Word, but in actually speaking it outloud. There is nothing more powerful than God's Word, so read it, speak it, believe it, and claim it!!

esther

The Power of Prayer!

"Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed." Mark 1:35

Two things about this verse have always stuck out to me. One being that Jesus was the very Son of God and yet took many opportunities to spend time in prayer to His Father. I've always thought, if the Son of God Himself needed to cry out to our Father in prayer, well my goodness how much more should we seek time crying out to our Heavenly Father?!

Another thing I learn from this Scripture is that Jesus "went out and departed to a solitary place..." I believe one of the lessons in this verse is that we, too, need to find a "solitary place" where we can be alone with our God...and pray.

So many things happen when we pray!

First of all, we're showing our Heavenly Father that we love Him and desire to spend time with Him.

And we're taking the focus off of ourselves, our problems, and putting out the effort to place our concerns into His capable hands...and not our own.

We also allow the opportunity for God to speak to us, when we take the time to find a quiet place to be in His presence. Sometimes its hard to be quiet, and listen for His still, small voice to speak into our lives.

I think one of my biggest weaknesses is not spending enough time in God's presence. I know there are alot of different ways to speak to God, and I often talk to Him throughout the day, just sitting here or driving or whenever.

But honestly, I think its also important that I humble myself by literally bowing down on my face before Him...to show my awe and reverence to Him...to just bow in His presence.

Afterall, Jesus knelt in prayer to our Father many times in the New Testament. And I believe there's a reason for that. Yes, He also spoke to God while standing, and performing miracles, but He made a point of falling down on His face to pray and worship and love His Father.

We're blessed that we are even allowed to come into God's presence. We're blessed that we're invited to fall on our face before our God, and worship and pray and give our hearts to Him.

esther

God has a plan for your child!

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." How amazing is that verse?!!

Every time I read this verse my heart is filled with hope because I understand that HE has plans not only for me, or my family as a whole, but especially for my precious little boy!

And because my son faces so many challenges with autism, my mother's heart needs all the hope and encouragement it can get.

So when we're facing enourmous struggles, and the facts and reality are staring me right in the face, instead of giving in to discouragement and fear for my son' future, I remind myself to read that verse, to call out to God, to claim that verse over our circumstances!

I pray that the power of His words will reach right down into your heart and bless you with hope and joy and especially, peace of mind.

And always remember, as Christians we live by faith, not by sight.

What we SEE, such as facts and reality, are not the only factors involved.

Allow our faith in God to take us to newer, higher, more hopeful places.

He loves us, He loves you, and He loves your precious child.
He said He has plans for us, and I choose to believe Him!

esther

Some "Do's" for parents of an Autistic Angel

Here are afew suggestions, what I like to call my "Do's" list, especially written for fellow-parents of Autistic Angels. Some were passed along to me from other parents, teachers, doctors, and/or specialists. Some I learned in hind-sight, but also realize its never too late to make positive changes.

1. DO seek immediate medical/professional help if you suspect your child may be autistic. Its true that the earlier the intervention, the greater the success and outcome will be for both you and your child.

2. DO accept and come to terms with the diagnosis of autism. To remain in denial will do much more harm than good, for your child and your entire family.

3. DO make a point of doing research and learning all that you can about the Autism Spectrum. Knowledge is power, and information is how you get it.

4. DO allow yourself a time of healthy "grieving", if you've not already done so. Its perfectly normal to possibly feel a sense of "loss" when you realize your little one is facing a totally different set of challenges than you'd ever expected.

5. DO make sure to take care of your own needs, as well. The easiest thing in the world (of autism) is to get so completely drawn into our child's challenges that we don't allow ourselves breathing room...and that can be unhealthy...to everyone concerned.

6. DO ask for help when you need it. Whether its a doctor, family member, or a good friend, make sure you have a network of people who are understanding and patient with you and your child.

7. DO keep an open mind to advice from doctors, professionals, and other parents who have similar challenges. Yet be careful who's advice you take.

8. DO cry out to God who is the Creator of all flesh, for He alone understands more than anyone ever will what you are going through. He also understands your child.

9. DO keep a positive attitude no matter how hard the challenges may seem at times. Your attitude may be the key to many miraculous break-throughs, and its amazing what our children pick up from us...especially in our attitudes toward life and challenges.

10. DO accept and love your child unconditionally. Learn the difference in "He can't"....and "He won't." That one's hindsight.

esther

Live your Life...Abundantly!

One of the things I've learned about becoming a Christian is that it doesn't make me immune from problems and struggles. Can you believe, at one time that is what I expected?

I think alot of people might think that way. For some reason we think that because we accept Christ as our Savior, and especially if we're doing all we can to walk in His path, that the reward for that would be a problem-free, easy-go-lucky life. Not so, my friend.


Actually, our "reward" for becoming a follower of Christ is eternal life with God in Heaven. That's the future, however.


Jesus stated in John 10:10 that..." I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." My study Bible gives the original Latin word for "abundantantly", which is "perissos, meaning superabundance, excessive, overflowing, surplus, over and above, more than enough, profuse, extraordinary, above the ordinary, more than sufficient. Jesus died to give us that kind of life, right here on earth.


What He doesn't say is that He came to give us a problem-free life, in fact in John 16:33 He firmly states..."These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."


You see, right there Jesus Himself is warning us that life on this earth will have struggles and trials...but the good news is that because He overcame this world and its struggles, we can too.


I'm not saying that we are to be flippant and polyanna about our trying situations, of course not. I think what I've come to aspire to, though, is having a peace even in the midst of some very turbulent times in my life. And I know that peace can only come from the Prince of Peace Himself, Jesus Christ.


I've learned that I won't get "zapped" with instant peace or calm, but that it comes from deep within. It comes from reading and studying the Word of God, so that when those storms hit...and they will...the Holy Spirit moves to recall those precious, powerful verses in a way to calm and soothe my troubled circumstances.


But I have to be quiet long enough to listen. That's hard to do when I'm in the midst of chaos and noise. It takes alot of faith, and prayer...and belief.


Just knowing that I'm a child of God, and that all His amazing promises in the Word of God are written for me...for my family, is the first step in overcoming the trials.


Jesus talks so much about peace, and love, and even tells us that He is the Light of the world. He encourages us to walk in the Light.


That means its a choice. We have to make the conscious effort to do our part...to find victory and peace.

POWERFUL PROMISES!

Well I can't speak for the rest of the world, but to me? Sometimes it seems like this life is full of landmines and pitfalls...all designed to trap and trip us up! Things can be going along just fine and then all of a sudden....BAM! An unexpected mishap that sets us reeling on our feet and threatens to pull us under for the count.

It never ceases to amaze me that I can be so easily... sidetracked. How can I remain so vulnerable, so seemingly helpless when I do spend time in God's Word, I've read and been warned about these trials and temptations, yet all the reading in the world doesn't prevent me from being sucked right into some unexpected event.

Then I get down on myself for NOT being stronger. Then I start believing all kinds of lies about myself, and walking under the heavy burden of condemnation. So I do all that KNOW to do...and that is to cry out to my God, to cry out I John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I love the Word of God because it is SO applicable to today's world. I mean Jesus Himself WARNED us that ..."in this world, you WILL have tribulations...but be of good cheer...I have overcome the world!" Notice He didn't say we MIGHT have tribulations...He said we WILL. To me that means He knew and continues to know every trial and sorrow and heartache we will go through, and though it doesn't always seem like it while we're going through the fire, He really is right here with us...in Spirit.

I also love Jesus because He knew what was in man's heart....and was willing to forgive and love us, anyway. No one but Jesus would have cried out to The Father...."Forgive them, for they know not what they do....". Jesus forgave even when forgiveness wasn't request from His wrongdoers. We have a hard time forgiving even IF someone apologizes and asks forgiveness of us. I want to be like Jesus....to forgive more unconditionally....WITHOUT being asked.

The hardest person in the world to forgive....is myself. Partly because I've set my own standards so high....I mean, I'm a Christian and I long to become more and more like my Savior...so when I falter, I'm disappointed that I obviously haven't made the progress I'd hoped to make. Perhaps its partly pride...having to admit I'm not nearly as strong a Christian as I thought I was. And then of course there's good old satan himself...ever ready to point a finger and accuse me and laugh at my shortcomings....eager to feed my mind with lies and what-ifs and all manner of fears.

I cling to God's Word....but I suppose I'm still learning how to "apply" it affectively. To read, to know His Word is one thing. Wisdom, however, is being able to apply the knowledge. I need wisdom. Desperately.

God' Word is my favorite thing in this world. So packed full of powerful promises and advice...warnings, encouragements, hope and light.

Today I want to read...and understand...and really GRASP that I am forgiven...IF I confess my sins. I John 1:9...."IF we confess our sins, He IS faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to CLEANSE us from ALL unrighteousness." That's His promise, to us. All we have to do is to CONFESS our sins.

I confess. I've faltered, I've failed, I've doubted, I've lost my temper, I've said some ungodly things I shouldn't have said. Now I accept ..... His forgiveness.

esther