Well, it Worked!

You'd probably understand what I'm talking about if you'd read yesterday's post, 'Another Hindsight Moment.' Basically I'd gotten sooo tired of my 7 yr old little boy constantly fighting me when he's not getting his way. Defying us is one thing, but the WAY he was doing it is what drove us nuts. The spitting at us, hitting us, throwing things, and so on.

Anyway, after trying the Time-Out chair, in which he just continued to the above-mentioned, I told him IF he spit at me one more time...I was taking away his radio...for the night. The whole night. (I've taken it from him before but he ALWAYS got it back before bedtime.)

Not this time.

When he spat at me again, I did indeed take the radio.

After he calmed down, he proceeded to try every means possible to cajole me into giving him back the radio.

But, I held my ground and he went off to bed...no radio in tow.

This morning he was like a different child. No kidding.

No fighting, no spitting, no "bad words", no throwing, he actually came out quietly this morning, looked at me with a sweet smile, and said..."Today radio?" "Yes, today radio", I said.

And...miracle of miracles, when he came home from school today, he actually had a good attitude.

So far, so good.

Oh I'm not naive enough to think he's going to be a little angel-boy from now on, lol.

But I do think we're on to something here. (Finally)!

The moral of this story is, that sometimes it takes awhile to find out what works with your kids.

Sometimes you can take all the advice in the world from well-meaning people, but always remember that YOU know your child better than anyone else does. You know what makes him tick, even though you might now always understand him/her.

It does pay to be persistent.

Sometimes, its hard to tell if a particular discipline is really working or not. Especially with autistic children. Because my son has a hard time communicating with us, I do believe it sometimes escalates his behaviors. I know it must be frustrating for him, too.

BUT I also know he's got to learn that you cannot just lash out at people because they don't always give you what you want.

As much as it hurt me to keep that radio from him the entire night (he listens to the static, for white noise), I knew it was a crucial time in teaching him that I do mean what I say.

So for those of you maybe going through something similiar, just hang in there and keep trying to figure out how to get through to your child(ren). You never know when a break-through is just around the corner.

esther

Another Hind-Sight Moment

If it seems I've got more "hind-sights" than "in-sights", its probably because I do, lol.

For what its worth, I learned a very valuable lesson tonight.

We've been dealing with some pretty undesirable behaviors with our 7 yr old lately. (If you consider 5 yrs, lately...sigh). And its not like we just let it go, believe me we've taken courses on parenting strategies, talked to behavior specialists, doctors, watch 'Super Nanny', etc. etc.

For us, not much seemed to be working. Maybe because he's 7 now, its time to change our strategy.

Which I did, tonight.

I'm fed up with the spitting, hitting, tantruming, and throwing. My son has an outrageous temper.

For so long, it was easier to just give in, and like magic, the tanrums stopped.

Except, it wasn't magic. It was free-will. His, not mine.

So tonight, instead of just THREATENING to take away his radio until tomorrow, I stuck to my guns. Even after the tantruming stopped, he came to me and asked for the radio back, and I explained to him that no, that wasn't the deal. The deal was, the NEXT time he spit at me, the radio would be gone until tomorrow.

I gotta say, this boy is one persistent little guy. He begged, pleaded, cried, screamed, cuddled up to me, and tried basically everything he could think of...and why? Because it always worked before.

Not this time. I realized that if I gave in this time, he'd never take me seriously. I think I probably realized that a long time ago, it just took me this long to find the courage and strength to withstand his emotional cajoling. Because he's good, he's really good. He knows how to get to Mommy, in fact he's learned that I love him dearly and it's hard for me NOT to give in to him, especially when he's being all sweetsy.

You know what? Eventually he DID give up...and went on to bed...with no radio. (He listens to "white noise", not music).

Anyway, for what its worth, maybe it'll be of some help to someone out there who's going through if not the same thing, something similiar.

You see, in our case, his "melt-downs" aren't melt-downs at all. Honestly, I've seen some autistic kids who genuinely melt down because they can't handle new circumstances or transitioning, or sometimes even certain sounds, or other things that actually cause an uncontrollable response in them.

But that's not the case with my son. Autistic? Mildly. Spoiled? Severely.

esther

HINDSIGHT: Don't Spoil Your Child

I have created a list of DO's and a list of DON'Ts that I think are essential, especially for those of us raising autistic angels. Hate to admit it, but a good portion on each list is hindsight.


Right now, one of the big issues we're dealing with at home, with our soon-to-be 7 year old son, is "unspoiling" him. Sigh. Blush.


I don't know if its because he's autistic, or just his nature, but my son is the most persistent, hard-headed, determined child I've ever seen. Seriously.

I'm sure all kids can be this way, although I have talked to parents who's kids just don't have that kind of personality, some kids are more laid-back and passive. Hmph. Imagine that. (Imagine that is all I can do, lol.) Not something I've experienced with my own sweet little boy.

And I know that all kids throw tantrums. I do, I get that.

But...and this is just my own personal observation, I also believe that alot of kids on the autism spectrum have a harder time controlling their emotions. I don't believe my son yet understands what he's feeling, how to identify it, much-less what to do with it.

Therefore, sad to admit it was so much easier to finally give in to his demands. When it wasn't something dangerous or hazardous to him or us, of course. By doing this, giving in, I've taught him that if he just persists long enough, tantrums hard enough, eventually he'll outlast Mommy and get what he wants.

So, guess what he does now? Of course! Persists, tantrums, and escalates because he doesn't understand WHY its not working for him anymore. He doesn't understand why Mommy and Daddy will NOT give in and will stick to our guns...no matter how furious he becomes. So life is rocky right now. And probably will be for awhile. Until he learns that "No" really does mean no.

My biggest regret is that when we make these mistakes, our kids suffer for it. Then again, I have to remind myself that I'm only human, and doing the very best I can. Sometimes, we have to just shake things off and go on. Forgive ourselves our mistakes, allow ourselves to be human, and ask God to help us use a bit more wisdom next time.

esther

Some "Do's" for parents of an Autistic Angel

Here are afew suggestions, what I like to call my "Do's" list, especially written for fellow-parents of Autistic Angels. Some were passed along to me from other parents, teachers, doctors, and/or specialists. Some I learned in hind-sight, but also realize its never too late to make positive changes.

1. DO seek immediate medical/professional help if you suspect your child may be autistic. Its true that the earlier the intervention, the greater the success and outcome will be for both you and your child.

2. DO accept and come to terms with the diagnosis of autism. To remain in denial will do much more harm than good, for your child and your entire family.

3. DO make a point of doing research and learning all that you can about the Autism Spectrum. Knowledge is power, and information is how you get it.

4. DO allow yourself a time of healthy "grieving", if you've not already done so. Its perfectly normal to possibly feel a sense of "loss" when you realize your little one is facing a totally different set of challenges than you'd ever expected.

5. DO make sure to take care of your own needs, as well. The easiest thing in the world (of autism) is to get so completely drawn into our child's challenges that we don't allow ourselves breathing room...and that can be unhealthy...to everyone concerned.

6. DO ask for help when you need it. Whether its a doctor, family member, or a good friend, make sure you have a network of people who are understanding and patient with you and your child.

7. DO keep an open mind to advice from doctors, professionals, and other parents who have similar challenges. Yet be careful who's advice you take.

8. DO cry out to God who is the Creator of all flesh, for He alone understands more than anyone ever will what you are going through. He also understands your child.

9. DO keep a positive attitude no matter how hard the challenges may seem at times. Your attitude may be the key to many miraculous break-throughs, and its amazing what our children pick up from us...especially in our attitudes toward life and challenges.

10. DO accept and love your child unconditionally. Learn the difference in "He can't"....and "He won't." That one's hindsight.

esther